Your boss called me a while back and invited me to go fishing with him. He asked me if I “fly fish?” I explained that I use flies, but with a spinning rig. He said, that would be a problem at the fishing club he wanted to take me to. You see, it’s an exclusive club with huge trout, so there were these rules.
I discovered that cut-offs and sneakers did not meet the club’s standards. I would need breathable waders and boots. So I went out and purchased the appropriate gear.
As I arrived at the club, I was sure I had all of the right stuff. I have my $300 fly rod with my $200 reel. My $175 breathable waders and boots, $50 hat, $150 prescription polarized sunglasses and $300 worth of flies and assorted tackle.
I was excited to spend some quality time with your boss. I knew this account could be pivotal in my career. So, I carefully waded out to, what I thought was a good spot. After just a few casts, I decided it would be better to stand on a nearby rock… It was a pretty rock. It had a lovely green color to it. As soon as my foot touched that rock, I suddenly understood my college physics class. You see, when a 300-pound body is in motion, and steps on a slimy green rock, the laws of thermal dynamics will prevent my foot from stopping.
It appears that the green ooze on the rock is much like spraying silicone on the break pads of your car. I was not aware that my legs could spread that far! I guess it helped that my other foot became lodged between two rocks, thus propelling me into the water with all of the grace and sound of Shamoo the whale at Sea World!
As I was looking up from under the water, all I could think of was, if these waders are breathable, then why didn’t they spit out all of the water that was rushing inside? I now look like a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. And I now know what a Turtle experiences, when they are placed on their backs.
With my $50 hat and $150 prescription sunglasses gone, I struggled to get to my feet. Since my waders were now full of water I must have weighed somewhere around the 500 pound mark. All this time, I am thinking, “It’s fine, I am just a little wet. The worst is over”. At least I had my fly rod and all of the gear. That is until I again slipped and fell, snapping the rod it like a tooth pick.
At this point, the thought of catching a fish has left my mind. I just wanted to survive! I needed get out of these water logged waders and clothes. My knee was swelling my ankle was starting to throb and I can now sing soprano on the all boys choir.
Since I was in a rather secluded portion of the river with no one around, I decided to strip naked and wring out my clothes. All I could think of is “how am I going to keep these wet clothes off my leather car seats?” I CERTAINLY did not want to stain those lovely seats. I just bought the car a few months ago.
As luck has it, it was a warm summer day. I laid my clothes on the near by bushes to dry. As I lay down to rest for a while, I must have fallen asleep. I was having such a wonderful dream of catching fish with my new fly rod, when I felt something poking me. When I opened my eyes, I discovered that a small crowd had assembled.
It seems someone was floating down the river and reported a dead body on the shore. They said, “He must be dead because his stomach is bloated.” Well, I wasn’t dead, but I was a little sunburned. It’s interesting that the portions of our bodies, which seldom see the sun, burn sooner then, let’s say our arms. Oh yah! I was on a rocky shore, buck naked with a swollen knee, throbbing ankle, and burned gonads!
I didn’t need to worry about staining my lovely leather car seats, because that nice police officer with the nightstick, gave me a ride to the jail. Apparently the club also has a no nudity policy and called the police. My clothes were dry once my wife came down and bailed me out. The police were so nice to tow my car for safe keeping while I was staying in their care and it only cost me $500 to get it back.
I was afraid that the incident would alienate your boss, but being a closet nudist himself, we discovered a new bond. Plus I decided not to sue the fishing club.
© Ken Bear Cole All rights reserved
A Second Look Business Consulting
